You have those times in your life when you are certain–you are silent, firm–that you are right. Your facts align. Your reasoning is sound. Your stand is considerate and well-calculated. And yet a part of you is indecisive–not to doubt, not to know wisely. You feel that to be right is no good; that is at your disposal at this time. Understanding is.
This jewel of knowledge is not opposed to truth. It elevates the relationship.
Feeling correct seems to be clean and tidy. It fits neatly into logic. It offers a feeling of inner security. Relationships are seldom clean. They are molded by emotion, memory, fear, love, pride and unarticulated needs. By insisting that you are right in a relational domain, what might be clear to you might be pressure to another person.
Truth is not argued with understanding. It only recognizes that human beings perceive truth in their personal approaches.
It has become one of the great misunderstandings of our time to think that by committing oneself to understanding, one is obliged to forfeit one’s stand. It does not. You are able to keep your truth to yourself and at the same time keep the humanity of another person in your hands delicately.
Understanding says, “I see you.”
It never says, you are right.
This distinction matters. It makes it possible to keep the conversation quite human instead of it being a battle camouflaged as a discussion.
It is a strength to hold back when you might have done otherwise. You need to be confident enough to listen at a time when you would have been dominating. Being truly grounded in your truth means that you do not require the validation on the spot.
Knowledge builds upon inner security.
It does not mean that you are dropping your values when you decide to know. You are showing confidence in them.
Have you ever noticed how quickly conversations heat up when both people are focused on proving their point? Defensiveness rises. Voices sharpen. Curiosity disappears. No one learns anything.
Understanding lowers the temperature.
When you listen without interrupting, without rehearsing your rebuttal, without scanning for weaknesses, something unexpected happens. People soften. They speak more honestly. Sometimes they even hear themselves for the first time.
Understanding makes room for truth to land where argument cannot.
Another quiet wisdom lives here: even when you are right, you may not be seeing the whole picture. Not because you are wrong, but because no single perspective is complete.
Understanding invites expansion.
It asks:
These questions do not dilute truth. They deepen it.
There are times when choosing understanding is not just relationally wise, but ethically grounded. Power dynamics matter. Context matters. Timing matters.
Sometimes the most responsible act is not correction, but presence.
When someone feels heard, they are more likely to reflect. When they feel attacked, they defend even against the truth.
Understanding opens doors that righteousness alone often closes.
Here is an inconvenient truth: choosing understanding does not always look impressive. You may not win applause. You may not feel triumphant. You may even feel momentarily invisible.
But something else happens.
Peace settles in your body. Integrity stays intact. You walk away knowing you acted from wisdom rather than impulse.
That knowing lasts longer than winning an argument.
Here is the pearl, offered gently:
You can be right and still choose understanding because your worth is not dependent on being agreed with.
When you choose understanding, you are choosing long-term connection over short-term victory. You are choosing to live in a world shaped by listening rather than noise. You are choosing the kind of strength that does not need to shout.
If you already know this wisdom, smile at the reminder.
If it is new, let it settle slowly.
Like warm water.
Like clarity without sharp edges.
Like truth that knows how to be kind.
Explore more KatyCoach pearls on understanding and wisdom
A short video sharing the Katy’s perspective
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/3ildJbW3pd0
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